another note i wrote for you (written 9 January 2005) but which i never got the chance to give you...if it was any indication of what lied ahead for us--
"I want to think that my crazy hormones are just acting up. But this time, i'm pretty sure that it is not just the hormones...
i love you and you like me. for now, that's just enough for me...whether you love me or not, now that's a different story altogether. to be honest though, i doubt that you do. But that shouldn't be a cause of concern...i'd love you still. i won't promise you "forever" though...i just love you. i'll love you 'til my heart finds its reasons go...
and don't worry about me. i am doing this for myself. i am happy loving you and i am more than grateful that you're allowing me to. Am i disappointed? Not in the slightest bit. it may sound cliche but i've never felt happier than now, with you...
though i would have to admit that sometimes it hurts...but then again the pain is just trifling in comparison with the happiness i'm feeling.
do i want more?
i would be a hypocrite if i say that i don't. there is nothing more glorifying than being loved back by the person you love. but i understand. there are really things we just cannot force upon ourselves.
yes, love is a will, love is a decision, love is a commitment. but love, too, is a feeling and not enough willing can ever feign that...so i wouldn't expect nor ask that you give more or feel more. just allow me to love you the best way i can. again, i understand. not even you can bring yourself to bring yourself to love me. but when the time comes that i would also need to be loves as much that i would need to go, i hope you too would understand"
End of note...
"I want to think that my crazy hormones are just acting up. But this time, i'm pretty sure that it is not just the hormones...
i love you and you like me. for now, that's just enough for me...whether you love me or not, now that's a different story altogether. to be honest though, i doubt that you do. But that shouldn't be a cause of concern...i'd love you still. i won't promise you "forever" though...i just love you. i'll love you 'til my heart finds its reasons go...
and don't worry about me. i am doing this for myself. i am happy loving you and i am more than grateful that you're allowing me to. Am i disappointed? Not in the slightest bit. it may sound cliche but i've never felt happier than now, with you...
though i would have to admit that sometimes it hurts...but then again the pain is just trifling in comparison with the happiness i'm feeling.
do i want more?
i would be a hypocrite if i say that i don't. there is nothing more glorifying than being loved back by the person you love. but i understand. there are really things we just cannot force upon ourselves.
yes, love is a will, love is a decision, love is a commitment. but love, too, is a feeling and not enough willing can ever feign that...so i wouldn't expect nor ask that you give more or feel more. just allow me to love you the best way i can. again, i understand. not even you can bring yourself to bring yourself to love me. but when the time comes that i would also need to be loves as much that i would need to go, i hope you too would understand"
End of note...
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